i have been pushed and tugged and my heart cannot take it anymore. From the beginning i needed a best friend to be there for me...to know that i had something worth holding onto so that i knew i wouldnt b put down and make me feel more pain again. I know that you have tried giving evrything to me..but you have to understand that it is really easy for me to sway my feelings at this point in my life. You know whats happening in my family. I have to bare the fact that i could lose my mom rite bfore my eyes without even expecting it. I watch helpless bcuz i cant do shit to take away her pain. My brother treats me like shit and does nothing for her. He just uses my parents. I can't imagine losing my parents..and i feel i am so close to it. Life hasn't gone so well for me lately...and the hard work that i have put forth has not gotten me anywhere. I have lost one person before and lost myself in the process. I have tried to achieve something academically and i get shot down. I lose sleep and health because of all my efforts. I have felt that i have lost so much over the years and that i am so helpless to do anything right in this world. I simply wanted someone to be there for me but you have come to the point where you want me to be there for you. I cannot give bac if i have lost the ability to give in the first place. it takes time for someone to give themselves so easily when they have lost so many times bfore. in the end, i realize that someone who makes me feel that i need them just to b happy is not the person for me. you ask me what have i done in this relationship. you think only about what hav i not done instead of what i have done. I hav worked so hard in my life and im sorry that i can't give you my all. i give my all to someone or something that does not ask me to do so. I do it because i want to not because someone else wants me too. Judgements shouldnt b based on the actions or feelings of others. Commitment isnt about giving up what you care about and your happiness becuz what does it do u in the end
lol shit..i just realized by readin over my past entries. i sound like a freagin pyschotic biotch hahahahah but i laugh about it somuch... lol much fun.
soooo....havent written in this thingy for a mucho longo time so im guessin i should since i left off with like wreally insane entries bout hatingon the world .lol.im so psychotic and i soiund even more psychotic bcuz im talkin to myself LOL. hsahhaahha yes im lame . ok so summer. borin. hav summer school and work. bleh i enjoyed last summer a lot. i did so much and met os many new ppl and went to so many places. o well. as expected friends rent always as u expect them to b unfortunately. at least i made new onesi n class. still...its not like theyre be there all time. ha so hard to find good friends. =/ lol i sound like a loser. o well! eh im bored ritin this already so im gonna go. i neeed a camera. a nice one to take pretty pics with and make a nice album of prettttty pictures bwahahah! O_O ....-_-x
ppl r fukkin fakes who use u and step all over ur face to get what they
want and to get where they want to b. they act like theyre so nice and
innocent but theyre not and only the ppl who actually use their fukken
eyeballs and brains really see them for who they r otherwise ur just an
overly thought crazy ass person who hates evryone bcuz ur not like
them. ya keep thinking that. no wonder our world is so messed up. ppl
think so illogically. theyre all so fukkin stoopid and selfish.
its sad that ppl will just keep thinkin im some pessimistic piece of
crap that complaines too much but little do they now how true it really
is. *Sigh.
